A bed of roses & their thorns

Went to watch five-foot broadway musical this evening. It was a great performance! Thoroughly enjoyed myself.. I think I kinda know why the musical struck such a chord with everyone..because it's theme was mainly Love.

Oh you know how we are like, we need love, want love, desire desire... we truly secretly or sometimes blatantly hate being alone and all. So when it comes to the topic of love oh what a hot topic it is. I think I even saw a few un-dried eyes at the performance.

Love, I don't think it's over-rated but maybe not emphasized in too similar ways. So many different types of love yet only an emphasis on one kind... just a bit too much.

Ok it is easier said than done.. I know God's love is amazing and He loves me more than I can even fathom and truly I am thankful for how I can place my trust in Him even in situations unknown.

I trust. No matter how bad things get or how unknown the future is, no matter if I feel I lack I will still trust. Not trust because I have great faith but trusting in His faithfulness. I guess that is one way to comfort myself when I feel alone.

Sigh I dislike feeling busy... it's hard to balance your time for everything, everybody (especially God). Interning is tough 'cause I have to commute so far but yes it's far my future so I HAVE to do it. Next week I start assisting pop vocal classes. So funny, how do teach a bunch of secondary school kids stage presence? Seriously. Interesting, something I look forward to. Just stand there and look pretty lor.

I think I can blabber on and on talking and just having verbal diarrhoea but I shall stop now 'cause my fingers are tired. Toodles diary.

P.S I take photos but I don't post or send on time.. I'm terrible! I know=p

Oh boohoo. Gone are the freedom days forever gone I expect. Sigh it's only been the first 2 days of interning and I feel under-utilised. Like PLEAAAASEEE give me more work to do! Do I really have to sit there and surf the net the whole day...I could get a hemorrhage. Yups please don't envy me because it's not very fun having to amuse myself.

Plus I have to travel half way round S'pore just to go to work everyday...urgh from the west to the east like the sun only backwards. Sighh... butttttt I did pray about it and yes I felt like I should. So please please let it can better. Can't wait to get started on work proper I'm sure it will be fun, fulfilling and a good booster for one's CV.

Oh yes and the washing machine broke today. Urgh. Everything is crummy. I reached home at 9pm today... I missed sayang sayang. Haha and so what's wrong with that? I happen to think certain locally produced dramas are good ok. Oh well... looks like I won't exactly follow the series anymore since I missed the 2nd episode. Tan Kheng Hua rocks, i think good actors and actresses own the character they don't let the character own them.

So anyway...I don't feel all too positive right now 'cause I have to wake up at 730am just to reach my workplace at 10am. Like bummer. Ok shall not be such wet blanket... it will be good. It will be fine. Just work what...

This is terrible. All I wanna do is to just rot well relax and rot at home. But I'm not entirely unproductive you know. I bake, find recipes, do art, read, swim, attempt to play the piano again... and basically be married to the house.. so it's really quite fulfilling. I can possibly get this housewife thing down pat.

But omyged no no, I need to work eventually. Speaking of housewives reminds me of mothers.. and speaking of mothers reminds me of kids.. which leads me to a certain friend who has a sudden desire to be paternal. Yes I have been thinking too. Is it possible to get the kids without the spouse. I have always been open to the idea of adopting children in the future if let's say I never get married. It's not really such a bad idea! Like... gosh I really enjoy being the way I am that if I had to compromise for somebody I really need to love him big time. China girls. I have always wanted to adopt a baby girl from china! What with the female infanticide there and abandonment of baby girls, many baby girls are up for adoption.

I'm not too sure of the situation now since women are becoming more emancipated, but I think it's more of a tradition rather than economic issue that boys are preferred over girls. Beats me really... we are all people.

So there... I will be a good mother. Haha.. I hope. Truly exciting and rather strange to even think of kids at this point in time...but oh well at a certain age the maternal instincts somehow finds it's way back to haunt you.

Ok future adopted-babygirl-from-china, hope to see you soon! Remember to be wrapped in pink! But when you come to Singapore you can do whatever you like... even play football and I promise I won't force you to wear dresses=) But please at least enjoy listening to music.

I can't believe I'm back again, blogging. It has been ages and I'm not quite sure what has driven me back to write on this long forgotten space. It doesn't really matter if anybody sees it and perhaps it's the fact that well... most likely nobody will that makes me feel like writing again.

This place brings back many memories, brings back many different yet familiar emotions... once experience then lost but never forgotten. What makes me smile, what makes me peeved. The disillusioned maturity... maybe I never grew at all?

But I'm sure I have grown somewhat.. I'm quite sure I have changed.. we are creatures most palpable to change are we not? I have grown stronger as a Christian, I have grown stronger as a woman. It feels strange to write like this.. so frank and candid.. that is so not me. But hey.. like I said the fact that nobody is going to read this drives me to be this open about my thoughts on a late Thursday night.

I can never have the thing that I think I want most. Does that make sense? Because in actual fact I don't really want it as much as I think I do. I always wonder then why does it still hurt so much when I know I don't want it and it is not meant for me?

So it is clear that some things just don't change. I will always be in this sticky rut...forever stuck.

Faces change but feelings are still the same... will I always be bound by such situations? I never chose to be confronted with them but I can choose it's outcome. So I choose, though it hurts I choose.

This world is so tiring and people can be so ugly at times and worse of all they can be so proud of their stains. I know I shouldn't judge because I'm just as bad maybe even worse.

There are times when I just forget and get sucked in as well. Swirling around this never ending vortex and then what? SO absolutely meaningless that I can never understand how people who are logical and rational can see it as the pinnacle of life. Is this what you want to live for? How absolutely silly.

My paradox. Though at times I can stand as a spectator and watch all of it I am also part of it. My paradox. Always always, indeed it is true that "what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do" (Romans 7:15). So therein lies my life. I will pull through. It's a never ending journey this life. Can't imagine walking it alone.

Everyday I'm thankful that my God has made a promise to me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. It just gives me so much strength to keep fighting, to keep breathing and to keep hoping. That my life means something in His sight and I am living for a purpose and a glorious plan. That I will never be alone fighting my own battles and secret hells.

This is love. A love that is my shelter so that I can continue giving and walking on. I'm so grateful for this shelter because I get so tired at times living in my own shell. Thank you God.

Its been a long time. Where have I been? Everywhere and back again. There really is so much to say, to explain what has been going on in my life that has caused much change within me, yet my core is still the same. A smite of cynicism, a dash of irony and a whole bagful of idealist fantasies.

I wish you love. But most of all when snowflakes fall I wish you love. I wonder why it is so similar, so uncannily similar when you do fall for somebody all over again. There is a certain sense of contrive to it, yet beauty.

Some sort of desolate feeling like piano keys echoing. That similar pining and yearning. A burst of emotion, lingering. Always lingering and you try to push it aside, mire yourself in work so you don't remember but you can't forget. When you get an inch you want a yard...and so it never ends, it's never enough. Not with love.

What is different with me? What is the same. This is. How I love. The choices I make I can never regret. Maybe I over think things, but it's ok. I like doing things this way even if it seems silly to others...

I wish you love (cover by Rachel Yamagata)

I wish you bluebirds in the spring

To give your heart a song to sing

And then a kiss, but more than this

I wish you love

And in July a lemonade

To cool you in some leafy glade

I wish you health

But more than wealth

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

I wish you love

I wish you love, love, love, love, love

I wish you love

Behind the greasy windows, I see the sunset
staring with defiant eyes at it till it penetrates
and I cannot forget.
So even when I close my eyes I still see
the remainders of light on the insides of my
eyelids. The inside.

Greasy windows, I imagine some matted hair
on a heavy head, leaning.
Leaning against the invisible support, wishing.
Wishing for opacity.
Wishing I couldn't see right through.

Don't make assumptions. What you think you know
you think only.
I hate it because it's not always so easy
to read a person.

As each song paints another mood, so does
each dimmer moment of the day, till night.
In the night. In the night. In the night...
What is left to count or recollect?
The everything you have becomes nothingness.

The network in my heart is more
intrinsic than neurons.
Many memos in my head but
I just want to be like this
tonight.

Mrs This, 这位太太!! The best taiwanese alternative indie band I have heard in ages. The music direction they take does in some sense deviate from the usual commercial boring mantra of the mandopop world... but still very catchy and palatable!!

I absolutely love their kinky kooky lyrics and very interesting blends of style they have:) It's a little like bjork/faye wong and yet not so in your face.

Haha...I am so in love with them...but unfortunately, none of the cd shops in Singapore carry them yet despite the heavy airplay they have on MTV so oh well... not even HMV:(

Anyway to share with blogger-bys(passer-bys...haha) my current music muse please take a listen to them!!!

This is terrible but we can download the whole cd on this website...but hope if you like them enough do support their music endeavours!!

http://www.ge520.com/musiclist/shishui_8552.htm