A bed of roses & their thorns

I wonder y most of my recent entries have such a tint of melancholy in them...it's really so blue. Nope. It's not tt my life is tt disappointing. Mayb the diff is tt during my school days one tends to be too busy to feel sad. Now tt work tends to neglect cranial activities...I begin to think too much.

But nope nope not gg to go down tt path of perpetual moping and groaning and being such a cynic. I shall recover and be happee.

I want to get a cat:) Yeah, my mum is like no way. She rather gets a dog. but sigh, cats r way cooler. I want a kitten. It's nice to see some form of movement and life in the house other than my family members of course. Hmm...yeah. But I won't get a pedigree, too snooty. Haha, really, they have this innate pride in them..and so much more demanding too. Hmm...

Well, met up with mr Joey quek last sat. Haha, cass is right joey u look vaguely naked without your hair:D Hurhur...Glad tt some of us could make it for tt cosy little gathering. Man, gg on tour this year will feel so drastically diff without all you guys from batch 05/06.

That's the thing see, apart from the money...I know it's a brand new experience and all..but man, it will b diff. Haha which reminds me, i haven't even, well, uploaded last year's tour photos. Is it too late to do it now?? Brings back memories:)

Well, the thought of gg to piggotts is enough to make me feel spurred on to start packing. Piggotts wuz really lurvely. What with all the 'englishified' feel to the whole place:) Rustic barns and farmhouse, good ole scones with cream and jam...homemade nevertheless!! Sigh...ok i want to relive tour all over again:D Haha, mindy if u r reading this...:).

Well..enough of my mindless rambling. A long post tt really goes no-where. Well what to do, im really bored and too lazy to embark on any project of any sort. Oh yes and lastly...i have a piano teacher from hell. Im so sorry. Not tt i hate her is tt juz tt everytime i go for lessons she really kills me and gives me high blood pressure. But i think it's good for me. So anyway toodles and 'til next time.

The beauty of humanity, that's what struck me as i made my usual trips along the underpass in orchard. Seeing the hords of people stride pass me, a whole paraphernalia. I see the beauty in each in face. Though not perfect there is a quality beauty in each of them. What's even more beautiful is the person behind the face.

I'm thankful for everybody in my life. Every single soul. People who i have met and those tt i still meet and keep in contact. From mere acquaintances to friends and soulmates...i treasure each and everyone of them.

However it is understandable and through the experiences i have encountered throughout the week, people fail us. It really hurts when u give so much to ensure the other's heart to be kept intact and to ensure you don't let them down in anyway. Yet they take forgranted your existence and goodwill...It hurts even more when friends hurt you unintentionally...and you wonder if you really are as lousy as they make it out to be.

Hence it's really through the fallibility of man that really makes me see the perfection of God. He alone can love me for who I really am, and only He can truly say, I will never disappoint you my beloved. That is such a huge source of strength for me.

I know I too have the capacity to hurt and disappoint many around me. Even strangers will get disappointed by me...how so? Well working in orchard has led me to understand the term charity fatigue. Everywhere you turn there is this charity to donate to that orphanage needing funds. Pls help us. Excuse me miss can i get a moment of your time... I really don't mind donating once in a while but sometimes when i turn them down, and sometimes I play down the mr nice-guy role quite a bit...so yeah. It makes me feel guilty, cuz i've been in their shoes before.

Anyway. We can never do without people! Everybody needs friends to share their pain and jokes with...we all need people to relate to and confide in...But despite this, I think man needs God more. I certainly do.

The results are like a drop in the ocean of what we call life...

That's what i msg to a fren on the day of the results. They were meant to be words of comfort but now being in a situation of such immense disappointment...it's hard to live what you preach.

I'm currently shuttling to and fro between 2 seemingly different people...a part of me is angry and disappointed at the Lord and a part of me wants so much to trust and abide in Him and be of good cheer. But the bitterness in my heart curdles, poisoning my mind...i can find no peace. I want to be stronger but it's so difficult when you give everything and expect it but get not what you so hope for.

I feel as if im always living in the shadows of my dreams...i know it's no point crying over spilt milk and indeed there is more to life so much more...but it hurts so bad when dreams are dashed...

Yet through it all, im thankful for the people who are there comforting me...even collegues extending a shoulder to cry on...the kind words of encouragement.

The funny thing is it took a while for the truth to set in...in the hall i wuz disappointed but i thought it wuz ok...but when i got home and entered my dark room...the reality of things seemed to come down on me juz as the darkness engulfed my heart.

I hope to be able to snap out of it soon...it's juz so silly...nothing will change anyway...nothing would. In my moments of anger i did ask the Lord to show me this perfect plan of His... and let me see the perfection, let me prepare for more disappointments...only to retrieve back that thought in self-disgust and remorse. Sigh...the road before me seems so dim now...