Wednesday, March 14, 2007
rant
This sucks, the whole feeling sucks. I feel depressed, not crazy majorly depressed but depressed enough to feel like just ponning all my lessons and go home.
Why in the world would I do that? Well definitely silly when I look back but I got a horrendous grade for English Renaissance Lit... Horrendous. D+! D+ which equates to INADEQUATE as stated by my tutor... On top of that remarks that I really don't blame him for putting but just really painful to look at... Unintelligent, serious difficulty with language, carelessly written...OMGawd. *faints*
The thing is this whole lit essay is not just a lit essay... it just reflects so much on the whole cycle of 'everything-ness' in general... like no matter how much freakin' effort you put into something, this imperfect world will always be blind to it. Man, I really thought through the whole essay, sat down and wrote out all my ideas, debated with myself like crazy 'til I got a freakin' headache, borrowed external texts for reference...tried so hard to be coherent (ok I admit I tend to ramble when I right)...just giving it all I've got...and yet nothing back.
SO it's just a grade you say, yes I say so too myself...but my whole life NOW is based on all these grades to define myself. I really hate grading systems...like I feel happy just learning and all without the grades be a kill-joy. Of course as you can see now I'm really not rational so please ignore this post and just let me rant.
Competition is so stiff! Man it's like a million students to one tutor and you just have to be really good to actually do well, cause like it or not, there is the tendency to compare. It's just like the stupid sperm and egg analogy... that race to come to this world. Urgh...races...I can't even crawl anymore let alone run.
So tired...must be feeling brittle today due to lack of sleep. So with each damn pithole I feel like this must be it...I can't do it anymore...then...then I try again lor.
Just keep trying and trying and trying and when you get there great and when you don't damn it...so here it goes...
Ok really seriously not rational blogging....but even so I do feel better airing my grievances, now is the question of whether to post this up or not
Why in the world would I do that? Well definitely silly when I look back but I got a horrendous grade for English Renaissance Lit... Horrendous. D+! D+ which equates to INADEQUATE as stated by my tutor... On top of that remarks that I really don't blame him for putting but just really painful to look at... Unintelligent, serious difficulty with language, carelessly written...OMGawd. *faints*
The thing is this whole lit essay is not just a lit essay... it just reflects so much on the whole cycle of 'everything-ness' in general... like no matter how much freakin' effort you put into something, this imperfect world will always be blind to it. Man, I really thought through the whole essay, sat down and wrote out all my ideas, debated with myself like crazy 'til I got a freakin' headache, borrowed external texts for reference...tried so hard to be coherent (ok I admit I tend to ramble when I right)...just giving it all I've got...and yet nothing back.
SO it's just a grade you say, yes I say so too myself...but my whole life NOW is based on all these grades to define myself. I really hate grading systems...like I feel happy just learning and all without the grades be a kill-joy. Of course as you can see now I'm really not rational so please ignore this post and just let me rant.
Competition is so stiff! Man it's like a million students to one tutor and you just have to be really good to actually do well, cause like it or not, there is the tendency to compare. It's just like the stupid sperm and egg analogy... that race to come to this world. Urgh...races...I can't even crawl anymore let alone run.
So tired...must be feeling brittle today due to lack of sleep. So with each damn pithole I feel like this must be it...I can't do it anymore...then...then I try again lor.
Just keep trying and trying and trying and when you get there great and when you don't damn it...so here it goes...
Ok really seriously not rational blogging....but even so I do feel better airing my grievances, now is the question of whether to post this up or not
// posted by grace @ 12:15 PM
