Wednesday, October 12, 2005
gratitude
I m grateful. Grateful to have decided to go to ac despite prior plans and dreams, grateful for the way my j1 year went, grateful for all the people whom He has blessed me with, grateful for both the pain and the joy that i have experienced and all the memories. No matter what happens i will be grateful and count my blessings:) I think for anybody, that is the secret to happiness. Not circumstantial joy, but real joy from within. Yupz, my church is currently on sermons about the joy of the Lord. I really admire people with that sort of spirit. I love meeting such people, their joy juz rubs off u and u feel so much better with their cheery antics.
yeah well i've gotta admit it, im pretty much a circumstantially-based joyful person. I guess yeah, i dunno if i've truly felt the joy of the Lord. I'm not sure how it even feels like, so how in the world can i understand it? Most of my joy is derived from when im with people, or when i m in certain situations...then when they cease to exist...my joy doesn't vanish but there is the ebbing. Haha, im not trying to seem all noble, but i want this joy of the Lord because i think joy is such a powerful aid for anybody! I feel crappy when people vent their fustrations on me...and i wonder if those around me also get affected when i do the same. Of course they do. So, yeah this joy thing is really such a potent source of strength: Hence the joy of the Lord is my strength indeed.
I really feel guilty whenever i juz lose my cool and lash out people...esp family members, people closest to u always seem to bear the brunt. Anywayz, the youth pastor said that in order for all of us to gain that God-given joy, we first need to walk in the spirit, then e fruits of the spirit will be given onto us:) I'm learning...haha it's really ironical when despite being a Christian all my life, I still feel like a baby sometimes.
Anywayz...it's baccalaurete tomorrow!! sigh...it feels surreal man. Where did the year go? Im the sort of person who gets nostalgic abt everything. Sometimes i even miss objects more than people...wierd. So yeah...hmmm as i was walking out of school today, my senses amplified my surroundings...the bleachers, the field, e sports com which we don't ever use:) Technically tmr is the last day. BUT haha not quite lah when u think abt all the mocks n extra lessons:p Yup, maybe it's because of my newfound frame of perspective, that is making me not in the least bit stressed up for As. I juz think like everything else, it will come and go...what's the point of stressing out over it man. I would rather b stressed, then i can have a push and pull factor to study harder!!! Argh...I mean last year i never tot this day would come, but now it's juz hours away, hence As will similarly come and go...everything will come and go:)juz stating facts:)
ok i digress too much, juz wanna say all the best to everybody cheonging for the supposedly hardest exam we will ever sit for in our education life, and yeah, soon we will meet next year at around march...soon. :)
yeah well i've gotta admit it, im pretty much a circumstantially-based joyful person. I guess yeah, i dunno if i've truly felt the joy of the Lord. I'm not sure how it even feels like, so how in the world can i understand it? Most of my joy is derived from when im with people, or when i m in certain situations...then when they cease to exist...my joy doesn't vanish but there is the ebbing. Haha, im not trying to seem all noble, but i want this joy of the Lord because i think joy is such a powerful aid for anybody! I feel crappy when people vent their fustrations on me...and i wonder if those around me also get affected when i do the same. Of course they do. So, yeah this joy thing is really such a potent source of strength: Hence the joy of the Lord is my strength indeed.
I really feel guilty whenever i juz lose my cool and lash out people...esp family members, people closest to u always seem to bear the brunt. Anywayz, the youth pastor said that in order for all of us to gain that God-given joy, we first need to walk in the spirit, then e fruits of the spirit will be given onto us:) I'm learning...haha it's really ironical when despite being a Christian all my life, I still feel like a baby sometimes.
Anywayz...it's baccalaurete tomorrow!! sigh...it feels surreal man. Where did the year go? Im the sort of person who gets nostalgic abt everything. Sometimes i even miss objects more than people...wierd. So yeah...hmmm as i was walking out of school today, my senses amplified my surroundings...the bleachers, the field, e sports com which we don't ever use:) Technically tmr is the last day. BUT haha not quite lah when u think abt all the mocks n extra lessons:p Yup, maybe it's because of my newfound frame of perspective, that is making me not in the least bit stressed up for As. I juz think like everything else, it will come and go...what's the point of stressing out over it man. I would rather b stressed, then i can have a push and pull factor to study harder!!! Argh...I mean last year i never tot this day would come, but now it's juz hours away, hence As will similarly come and go...everything will come and go:)juz stating facts:)
ok i digress too much, juz wanna say all the best to everybody cheonging for the supposedly hardest exam we will ever sit for in our education life, and yeah, soon we will meet next year at around march...soon. :)
Friday, October 07, 2005
lamentations
4 more days to baccalaureate. I have been feeling immensely low and depressed for many reasons these few days. I don't understand why they seem to hate us so much. I felt resentful at first but now i sort of understand the stance tt they r taking. I get it now. I don't want to seem heartless. I don't want us to seem heartless. Even more so the legacy and memory that we leave behind...need it be so negative? Need it be so terrible? There is the pausity in communication and rapport between us. There is an estrangement. We are still like strangers and tt pains me quite abit. Shites...henceforth this really sucks:(
I do feel a sense of relieve tt it would end soon despite a subtle undercurrent of sadness...so tired. I juz want to get over and done with the dratted As. But i honestly don't think im working HARD enough. Hee...studying in the void is really not as productive as i would have liked it to be... yeah distracting...but i keep making excuses for myself. It's the last time we can sit study together like tt so...haiz indulge a littel lah. Oh...we sang together again yesterday:) Hee...i wuz juz sitting in the void studying when jo started to hum Give Me Your Hand.
Jo: *hum*
Swee: jo r u humming give me your hand?
Jo: yup, *cont to hum*
Swee: *joins in humming e sop part*
Jo: We need a bass...Handy!!
(Handy comes around at perfect timing)
Swee & Jo: come sing with us.
Handy: (apprehensive) what here?
(LL and jamie comes along as well)
LL: are u sure here??
Jo: We sing like pppppppppp.
Swee: Handy hurry give note!!
Handy: Doo...
(So we all start singing, then more people start streaming out from the canteen with plates)
Joey: Omg y r u guys singing...
(Anywayz we ignored joey and all of us agglomerated at the table and juz sang haha and of course he joined in after tt, from old time faves to Christmas carols:) until we were interrupted...)
Prince: Who is the idiot who is singing Christmas carols in Oct?? Is it u lot?
LL: Erm yes sir...
Prince: BUT it's OCTOBER! Alright, but keep it down...yeah...and clear up the rubbish on the table after u all are done. Ok.
(So in e end we decided to all troop down to the concourse and sing there lah...until we all were happy...)
Haha...yeah lah one of the rare occasions when we actually get to meet like tt to sing...i mean nowadays it's juz mad cheong. But i really feel like im burning out lah. I feel this sense of hopelessness because there is juz too much to do! I mean geog is so daunting manz. And lit...im dead because i haven't even read most of the stories in vintage...and art...not even sure can get the A because of all the terrible rumours zooming abt saying tt the examiners r marking down again this year. Dead, so dead. i need to get my butt up there n write now...write like mad...n i can't believe im gg for art party tmr...shites i feel guilty........ but i wld feel even more guilty not gg lah...i mean the rest also got exams what n they r gg to cook cuz it's pot luck...
Ok. Ok. i will survive...i will survive. God gave me so much the least i can do is give back by investing in my talents and working hard...4 weeks left, 30 odd days... then it's freedom, liberty!! For at least a good 6-8 mths:)
I do feel a sense of relieve tt it would end soon despite a subtle undercurrent of sadness...so tired. I juz want to get over and done with the dratted As. But i honestly don't think im working HARD enough. Hee...studying in the void is really not as productive as i would have liked it to be... yeah distracting...but i keep making excuses for myself. It's the last time we can sit study together like tt so...haiz indulge a littel lah. Oh...we sang together again yesterday:) Hee...i wuz juz sitting in the void studying when jo started to hum Give Me Your Hand.
Jo: *hum*
Swee: jo r u humming give me your hand?
Jo: yup, *cont to hum*
Swee: *joins in humming e sop part*
Jo: We need a bass...Handy!!
(Handy comes around at perfect timing)
Swee & Jo: come sing with us.
Handy: (apprehensive) what here?
(LL and jamie comes along as well)
LL: are u sure here??
Jo: We sing like pppppppppp.
Swee: Handy hurry give note!!
Handy: Doo...
(So we all start singing, then more people start streaming out from the canteen with plates)
Joey: Omg y r u guys singing...
(Anywayz we ignored joey and all of us agglomerated at the table and juz sang haha and of course he joined in after tt, from old time faves to Christmas carols:) until we were interrupted...)
Prince: Who is the idiot who is singing Christmas carols in Oct?? Is it u lot?
LL: Erm yes sir...
Prince: BUT it's OCTOBER! Alright, but keep it down...yeah...and clear up the rubbish on the table after u all are done. Ok.
(So in e end we decided to all troop down to the concourse and sing there lah...until we all were happy...)
Haha...yeah lah one of the rare occasions when we actually get to meet like tt to sing...i mean nowadays it's juz mad cheong. But i really feel like im burning out lah. I feel this sense of hopelessness because there is juz too much to do! I mean geog is so daunting manz. And lit...im dead because i haven't even read most of the stories in vintage...and art...not even sure can get the A because of all the terrible rumours zooming abt saying tt the examiners r marking down again this year. Dead, so dead. i need to get my butt up there n write now...write like mad...n i can't believe im gg for art party tmr...shites i feel guilty........ but i wld feel even more guilty not gg lah...i mean the rest also got exams what n they r gg to cook cuz it's pot luck...
Ok. Ok. i will survive...i will survive. God gave me so much the least i can do is give back by investing in my talents and working hard...4 weeks left, 30 odd days... then it's freedom, liberty!! For at least a good 6-8 mths:)
// posted by grace @ 9:32 PM
