A bed of roses & their thorns

This world is so tiring and people can be so ugly at times and worse of all they can be so proud of their stains. I know I shouldn't judge because I'm just as bad maybe even worse.

There are times when I just forget and get sucked in as well. Swirling around this never ending vortex and then what? SO absolutely meaningless that I can never understand how people who are logical and rational can see it as the pinnacle of life. Is this what you want to live for? How absolutely silly.

My paradox. Though at times I can stand as a spectator and watch all of it I am also part of it. My paradox. Always always, indeed it is true that "what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do" (Romans 7:15). So therein lies my life. I will pull through. It's a never ending journey this life. Can't imagine walking it alone.

Everyday I'm thankful that my God has made a promise to me that He will never leave me nor forsake me. It just gives me so much strength to keep fighting, to keep breathing and to keep hoping. That my life means something in His sight and I am living for a purpose and a glorious plan. That I will never be alone fighting my own battles and secret hells.

This is love. A love that is my shelter so that I can continue giving and walking on. I'm so grateful for this shelter because I get so tired at times living in my own shell. Thank you God.

Its been a long time. Where have I been? Everywhere and back again. There really is so much to say, to explain what has been going on in my life that has caused much change within me, yet my core is still the same. A smite of cynicism, a dash of irony and a whole bagful of idealist fantasies.

I wish you love. But most of all when snowflakes fall I wish you love. I wonder why it is so similar, so uncannily similar when you do fall for somebody all over again. There is a certain sense of contrive to it, yet beauty.

Some sort of desolate feeling like piano keys echoing. That similar pining and yearning. A burst of emotion, lingering. Always lingering and you try to push it aside, mire yourself in work so you don't remember but you can't forget. When you get an inch you want a yard...and so it never ends, it's never enough. Not with love.

What is different with me? What is the same. This is. How I love. The choices I make I can never regret. Maybe I over think things, but it's ok. I like doing things this way even if it seems silly to others...

I wish you love (cover by Rachel Yamagata)

I wish you bluebirds in the spring

To give your heart a song to sing

And then a kiss, but more than this

I wish you love

And in July a lemonade

To cool you in some leafy glade

I wish you health

But more than wealth

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

I wish you love

I wish you love, love, love, love, love

I wish you love