Thursday, March 02, 2006
shuttling
The results are like a drop in the ocean of what we call life...
That's what i msg to a fren on the day of the results. They were meant to be words of comfort but now being in a situation of such immense disappointment...it's hard to live what you preach.
I'm currently shuttling to and fro between 2 seemingly different people...a part of me is angry and disappointed at the Lord and a part of me wants so much to trust and abide in Him and be of good cheer. But the bitterness in my heart curdles, poisoning my mind...i can find no peace. I want to be stronger but it's so difficult when you give everything and expect it but get not what you so hope for.
I feel as if im always living in the shadows of my dreams...i know it's no point crying over spilt milk and indeed there is more to life so much more...but it hurts so bad when dreams are dashed...
Yet through it all, im thankful for the people who are there comforting me...even collegues extending a shoulder to cry on...the kind words of encouragement.
The funny thing is it took a while for the truth to set in...in the hall i wuz disappointed but i thought it wuz ok...but when i got home and entered my dark room...the reality of things seemed to come down on me juz as the darkness engulfed my heart.
I hope to be able to snap out of it soon...it's juz so silly...nothing will change anyway...nothing would. In my moments of anger i did ask the Lord to show me this perfect plan of His... and let me see the perfection, let me prepare for more disappointments...only to retrieve back that thought in self-disgust and remorse. Sigh...the road before me seems so dim now...
That's what i msg to a fren on the day of the results. They were meant to be words of comfort but now being in a situation of such immense disappointment...it's hard to live what you preach.
I'm currently shuttling to and fro between 2 seemingly different people...a part of me is angry and disappointed at the Lord and a part of me wants so much to trust and abide in Him and be of good cheer. But the bitterness in my heart curdles, poisoning my mind...i can find no peace. I want to be stronger but it's so difficult when you give everything and expect it but get not what you so hope for.
I feel as if im always living in the shadows of my dreams...i know it's no point crying over spilt milk and indeed there is more to life so much more...but it hurts so bad when dreams are dashed...
Yet through it all, im thankful for the people who are there comforting me...even collegues extending a shoulder to cry on...the kind words of encouragement.
The funny thing is it took a while for the truth to set in...in the hall i wuz disappointed but i thought it wuz ok...but when i got home and entered my dark room...the reality of things seemed to come down on me juz as the darkness engulfed my heart.
I hope to be able to snap out of it soon...it's juz so silly...nothing will change anyway...nothing would. In my moments of anger i did ask the Lord to show me this perfect plan of His... and let me see the perfection, let me prepare for more disappointments...only to retrieve back that thought in self-disgust and remorse. Sigh...the road before me seems so dim now...
// posted by grace @ 3:20 PM 
