Monday, May 01, 2006
Delicate
It's been a long time since i've aired my truest thoughts online. I have been thinking so much yet I'm not quite sure how to phrase this present epiphany in my mind.
I think overall human beings as i have said before are inherently selfish. Oh how i wish to be a free-wheeling troubadour without a care in the world, without people to account to and for. No strings attached. See now this inherent selfishness. I feel like that old angsty preteen girl that so wished to be free, resurrect again. It's just that well,for all my selfishness...i know I can't do without people. I'm literally addicted to people. As I have mentioned several times, humanity is fascinating. I can just sit there silently and observe the little ongoings between people and be amused for a long while.
Yet, I hate it when well...I want to let go but it's not fair to the latter. It's like how do you be subtle but firm, not overt or blatant. Can one just slip out of it in silence? Or must it always go off in a big bang. Can I avoid it by being a great pretender? Or do I just have to face reality and spit it out no matter how disgusting it sounds? As a friend put it once, 'i hate such delicate situations'...I so agree.
Sigh, there is so much more I wish to expound on but pointless really. You know...sometimes all i really want to do is vanish into my own head. Like juz lock myself in my own room and paint. I'm not kidding...been toying with that idea for a long time...haha and maybe just to create that oh so bleak atmosphere in the spirit of carthesis...play Damien Rice's Delicate in the background.
Don't get me wrong I'm not exactly wallowing hence no need for sympathy. It's just that sometimes melancholy seeps in and you cherish it because it makes one feel alive. Feeling happy all the time is just ridiculous though good for those who do. I enjoy my moments of blues thank you.
Haha, somehow I don't think I make very much sense...it's just incessant rambling...I just feel like saying it but I don't know how to sugar-coat it...so sorry. Please leave me alone...
On a lighter note Thank you all for coming to AEWF, it was great. A magical evening albeit not perfect...but nonetheless, my first alumni essemble hence memorable. Tmr is gg to be a real busy day...will be gg to MINDS with some church volunteers at 7.45am to help out there. I'm sure it will be an enriching experience. Later 3pm, choir gathers at esplanade for rehearsal and jap at 6.30pm. Shouldn't be a problem haha...when you have been through jc life nothing really scares you anymore:)
Au revoir.
I think overall human beings as i have said before are inherently selfish. Oh how i wish to be a free-wheeling troubadour without a care in the world, without people to account to and for. No strings attached. See now this inherent selfishness. I feel like that old angsty preteen girl that so wished to be free, resurrect again. It's just that well,for all my selfishness...i know I can't do without people. I'm literally addicted to people. As I have mentioned several times, humanity is fascinating. I can just sit there silently and observe the little ongoings between people and be amused for a long while.
Yet, I hate it when well...I want to let go but it's not fair to the latter. It's like how do you be subtle but firm, not overt or blatant. Can one just slip out of it in silence? Or must it always go off in a big bang. Can I avoid it by being a great pretender? Or do I just have to face reality and spit it out no matter how disgusting it sounds? As a friend put it once, 'i hate such delicate situations'...I so agree.
Sigh, there is so much more I wish to expound on but pointless really. You know...sometimes all i really want to do is vanish into my own head. Like juz lock myself in my own room and paint. I'm not kidding...been toying with that idea for a long time...haha and maybe just to create that oh so bleak atmosphere in the spirit of carthesis...play Damien Rice's Delicate in the background.
Don't get me wrong I'm not exactly wallowing hence no need for sympathy. It's just that sometimes melancholy seeps in and you cherish it because it makes one feel alive. Feeling happy all the time is just ridiculous though good for those who do. I enjoy my moments of blues thank you.
Haha, somehow I don't think I make very much sense...it's just incessant rambling...I just feel like saying it but I don't know how to sugar-coat it...so sorry. Please leave me alone...
On a lighter note Thank you all for coming to AEWF, it was great. A magical evening albeit not perfect...but nonetheless, my first alumni essemble hence memorable. Tmr is gg to be a real busy day...will be gg to MINDS with some church volunteers at 7.45am to help out there. I'm sure it will be an enriching experience. Later 3pm, choir gathers at esplanade for rehearsal and jap at 6.30pm. Shouldn't be a problem haha...when you have been through jc life nothing really scares you anymore:)
Au revoir.
// posted by grace @ 11:59 PM 
