Friday, July 29, 2005
Time
The more one studies the more one realises that one is dead. I should not even b here typing this...the op cost of my time spent here is rather high...but oh well, it's friday so I guess i can cut myself a little slack.
I have never felt more hopeless before. The fact is i really think im gg to fail everything except hopefully art. At the rate im gg...im far from being prepared for the prelims. Wow. SO my goal is to get all Ds. Yeah and if i want to aim high...Cs. So...because what u hope to get usually falls short of what u actually get...im really quite dead.
Ok im gg to deviate from prelims for a while...i wuz juz thinking abt time. How beautiful it is. Haha...juz tt sitting down at the void deck and having milo for muggers made me think abt last year when i did not have the supposed "right" to partake of such welfare:p but now i have:) It's strange but all the traditions that exist make me feel older...i saw it from a junior's perspective but now i see from a senior's perspective...I mean, now i have the right to stay back and eat the dinner provided at school, i will see the baccaluereate service in a diff way, c honours nite in a diff way c i dunno...teacher's day in a diff way. Mayb it's cause...it's my last year so i get all sentimental.
Yeah, time is juz so incredible, it really changes the way one see's things. What eludes me is that some things still seem to stick to you no matter how long it has been. I thought it would be easy to forget with time...but it's harder than expected, and when i reflect and think back, im surprise at how intact and whole the memories are. I don't think i have gone completely numb at the thought of those times...the old feelings do seem to remind me of what and who im waiting for.
Of course there were many a times when i thought i had forgotten it all, when confusion sets in...or when i juz think it's silly anywayz. But it is. I don't think it is...but from a 3rd person perspective i really cannot comprehend nor give any rational explanation why i feel the way i feel.
Mama mia. Mama mia. I juz want to faint. you know when u get so tired u juz want to faint...and u wish u could so that u can take a break in the hospital. Sometimes in school while walking around i wish i could juz collapse so i can blackout and forget the worries for a while. Sometimes i get this morbid fantasies of getting knocked down by a moving vehicle....right. Ok sorry for freaking some people out but im so out of it today so u can see the irrational thinking and all.
Ah yes my humble abode beckons...actually my room with a desk crammed full of notes...yeah so yupz despite all the terribly negative thoughts...i have not given up hope yet:)
So let me quote from josie's msn nick as a reminder to us that we're not really so dead:Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus. Hebrews 12:1-2
I have never felt more hopeless before. The fact is i really think im gg to fail everything except hopefully art. At the rate im gg...im far from being prepared for the prelims. Wow. SO my goal is to get all Ds. Yeah and if i want to aim high...Cs. So...because what u hope to get usually falls short of what u actually get...im really quite dead.
Ok im gg to deviate from prelims for a while...i wuz juz thinking abt time. How beautiful it is. Haha...juz tt sitting down at the void deck and having milo for muggers made me think abt last year when i did not have the supposed "right" to partake of such welfare:p but now i have:) It's strange but all the traditions that exist make me feel older...i saw it from a junior's perspective but now i see from a senior's perspective...I mean, now i have the right to stay back and eat the dinner provided at school, i will see the baccaluereate service in a diff way, c honours nite in a diff way c i dunno...teacher's day in a diff way. Mayb it's cause...it's my last year so i get all sentimental.
Yeah, time is juz so incredible, it really changes the way one see's things. What eludes me is that some things still seem to stick to you no matter how long it has been. I thought it would be easy to forget with time...but it's harder than expected, and when i reflect and think back, im surprise at how intact and whole the memories are. I don't think i have gone completely numb at the thought of those times...the old feelings do seem to remind me of what and who im waiting for.
Of course there were many a times when i thought i had forgotten it all, when confusion sets in...or when i juz think it's silly anywayz. But it is. I don't think it is...but from a 3rd person perspective i really cannot comprehend nor give any rational explanation why i feel the way i feel.
Mama mia. Mama mia. I juz want to faint. you know when u get so tired u juz want to faint...and u wish u could so that u can take a break in the hospital. Sometimes in school while walking around i wish i could juz collapse so i can blackout and forget the worries for a while. Sometimes i get this morbid fantasies of getting knocked down by a moving vehicle....right. Ok sorry for freaking some people out but im so out of it today so u can see the irrational thinking and all.
Ah yes my humble abode beckons...actually my room with a desk crammed full of notes...yeah so yupz despite all the terribly negative thoughts...i have not given up hope yet:)
So let me quote from josie's msn nick as a reminder to us that we're not really so dead:Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus. Hebrews 12:1-2
// posted by grace @ 10:57 PM 
