Wednesday, May 04, 2005
移動
The title means moving on in japanese:) Alot have been said today and you know what? Only the players can see the real meaning in everything that we have been through. The spectators, those at the periphery will never understand. I feel so fustrated when I'm not understood. I get very worked up and agitated, which I will feel guilty for later cuz sigh, they don't see things from my perspective so no pt blaming them.
My eyes feel funny. Anywayz. Wuz talking to daniel and mindy today. Haha. Deep thoughts session or so mindy says. No lah nothing too deep not politics or anything. I juz really don't like the whole concept of being somebody else when one blogs. People are always judging each other hence i guess when we do things for others it can never really be true and free. There is no freedom when we live for humanity. That's why I still keep a private diary anywayz, cuz this place is not exactly the safest place to purgate one's infinite cistern of thoughts. Dark thoughts, wierd thoughts, thoughts tt will make you see me in a whole new light. I never said i was perfect. Yeah. There is always this facade, and ultimately people judge by the cover! I'm not kidding, sigh, I'm experiencing it and sometimes i adhere to such a code too. EEk...i will not be a conformist!
She has left us. So sad. But it wuz a struggle anywayz. I can understand her friends' guilt for not being there for her, and sometimes even my own guilt. I never really gave much for her. Wuz always too wrapped up in my own life. Sometimes it's cuz i think too much and tt stops me from giving. You know it's like when you want to say something but then you figured tt nah...it won't be of much help anywayz then you don't say it...then you realise tt it could have some impact if you at least tried. Guilt.
I wonder why I always write such long entries. Too free issit?? Haha. Stream-of-consciousness. I shall try it one day. sounds like alot of fun. Mindy says she got a shock of her life at the amount of crap tt goes through her head. Let's see what my subconscious mind reveals...I suggested tt we showed each other our little thoughts..but then we concluded tt it wuz best we don't. When we know tt we are doing it for someone to see...the facade springs up again and we curb ourselves from writing things tt aren't politically correct. There will always be this element of fraud...ok let's not over-generalise. I guess if one sincerely wants to serve...that is doing something for people and falseness will not be an issue...
Ladee da. I have a geog test on Friday. Econs test on Tues. E4 essay due next Monday. So what am I doing here??
Haiz.
My eyes feel funny. Anywayz. Wuz talking to daniel and mindy today. Haha. Deep thoughts session or so mindy says. No lah nothing too deep not politics or anything. I juz really don't like the whole concept of being somebody else when one blogs. People are always judging each other hence i guess when we do things for others it can never really be true and free. There is no freedom when we live for humanity. That's why I still keep a private diary anywayz, cuz this place is not exactly the safest place to purgate one's infinite cistern of thoughts. Dark thoughts, wierd thoughts, thoughts tt will make you see me in a whole new light. I never said i was perfect. Yeah. There is always this facade, and ultimately people judge by the cover! I'm not kidding, sigh, I'm experiencing it and sometimes i adhere to such a code too. EEk...i will not be a conformist!
She has left us. So sad. But it wuz a struggle anywayz. I can understand her friends' guilt for not being there for her, and sometimes even my own guilt. I never really gave much for her. Wuz always too wrapped up in my own life. Sometimes it's cuz i think too much and tt stops me from giving. You know it's like when you want to say something but then you figured tt nah...it won't be of much help anywayz then you don't say it...then you realise tt it could have some impact if you at least tried. Guilt.
I wonder why I always write such long entries. Too free issit?? Haha. Stream-of-consciousness. I shall try it one day. sounds like alot of fun. Mindy says she got a shock of her life at the amount of crap tt goes through her head. Let's see what my subconscious mind reveals...I suggested tt we showed each other our little thoughts..but then we concluded tt it wuz best we don't. When we know tt we are doing it for someone to see...the facade springs up again and we curb ourselves from writing things tt aren't politically correct. There will always be this element of fraud...ok let's not over-generalise. I guess if one sincerely wants to serve...that is doing something for people and falseness will not be an issue...
Ladee da. I have a geog test on Friday. Econs test on Tues. E4 essay due next Monday. So what am I doing here??
Haiz.
// posted by grace @ 9:47 PM 
