Friday, April 08, 2005
Ellipses
I think tt's the way it is right now...a sense of ambiguity, confusion...juz tt 3 dots to represent what I really feel right now. So tired...fatigue, haha what's new? There is always a destination tt we all work towards, tt goal, tt tomorrow...the next weekend, break etc. Always always having to get from one point to another, destinations destinations. So where do I go from here?
Everybody seems to waiting for something. People wait for the weekends to finally take a break...we all wait for tt one short hol. That's how we function, getting from here to there...but when it's over and done, we end up feeling a sense of loss, a sense of wishing we had treasure the present or the past more instead of hoping for the future. For what is a life tt constantly dreams of a better tomorrow when there is no joy in the present. I really believe in carpe diem.
What our contempts doth often hurl from us we wish it ours again.
How true how true...it's really silly tt we only seem to treasure things when we know we are going to lose it. I mean...i may feel tt life is tiring and trying but i'm sure if someone was to come and kill me now I prob not leave the room without a helluva fight...pardon my lang. But really I think the worse cases of murder is tt u noe u r gg to die and are juz unable to change tt fate. Maybe I will only treasure certain experiences in life when I know they are my few last sessions. I try not to adopt the mentality of thinking tt what I do is such a drag but it's very tough. I've got to admit tt I find myself sometimes juz drifting off into a place where I imagine myself in the future being happy doing what I want. So ironic though...we always imagine ourselves doing what we want in the future, but even if we do get what our heart's desire, we'll never be satisfied. Yupz, i speak from experience. I mean I have always loved art, and i figured if I took it as a subject tt wld be great...homework will be like a leisure to me, oh joy. But sigh, 'tis not always the case, with great ambition there is great responsibility...and for some strange reason, when u take something as a subject, a portion of tt passion seems to die with it.
Ah...whatever. I think I still do like some of the stuff tt I do, I'm juz tired so I'm procrastinating alot as usual. I think I know what I want to do in the future, haha so like everybody else in this narcissistic world, I will working towards that dream we all secretly harbour. Oh how disgusting, falling into the culture, falling into the abyss of self-indulgence which I know I will regret later on yet I know not how to save myself.
Everybody seems to waiting for something. People wait for the weekends to finally take a break...we all wait for tt one short hol. That's how we function, getting from here to there...but when it's over and done, we end up feeling a sense of loss, a sense of wishing we had treasure the present or the past more instead of hoping for the future. For what is a life tt constantly dreams of a better tomorrow when there is no joy in the present. I really believe in carpe diem.
What our contempts doth often hurl from us we wish it ours again.
How true how true...it's really silly tt we only seem to treasure things when we know we are going to lose it. I mean...i may feel tt life is tiring and trying but i'm sure if someone was to come and kill me now I prob not leave the room without a helluva fight...pardon my lang. But really I think the worse cases of murder is tt u noe u r gg to die and are juz unable to change tt fate. Maybe I will only treasure certain experiences in life when I know they are my few last sessions. I try not to adopt the mentality of thinking tt what I do is such a drag but it's very tough. I've got to admit tt I find myself sometimes juz drifting off into a place where I imagine myself in the future being happy doing what I want. So ironic though...we always imagine ourselves doing what we want in the future, but even if we do get what our heart's desire, we'll never be satisfied. Yupz, i speak from experience. I mean I have always loved art, and i figured if I took it as a subject tt wld be great...homework will be like a leisure to me, oh joy. But sigh, 'tis not always the case, with great ambition there is great responsibility...and for some strange reason, when u take something as a subject, a portion of tt passion seems to die with it.
Ah...whatever. I think I still do like some of the stuff tt I do, I'm juz tired so I'm procrastinating alot as usual. I think I know what I want to do in the future, haha so like everybody else in this narcissistic world, I will working towards that dream we all secretly harbour. Oh how disgusting, falling into the culture, falling into the abyss of self-indulgence which I know I will regret later on yet I know not how to save myself.
// posted by grace @ 9:36 PM 
