Thursday, March 31, 2005
monologue
Ah sigh, i have alot to expound on to say and who will listen? We read an article for Gp earlier this week by James Burton, very interesting...one of the things he mentioned was that in modern society, the only constant is change. How true. Haha...I really seem to be quite intrigued by this issue on change, always harping on it. But oh well, don't you think it's true? The only constant now is change...everything is ever changing. People change, things change, feelings fluctuate constantly...notions, ideals, hopes and dreams...everything changes, morphs and sometimes even mutate.
I don't know if I welcome change. It's hard to say. I think i do yet maybe not, for sad to say i prob have morphed into one of those rigid minded singaporeans who mostly embrace routines in life. I would feel wierd if i didn't go school for one day. Im not kidding...haha. Oh my, im scaring myself:)
Anywayz...sigh. It's quite sad that I have grown rather sad, melancholic and pessimistic these few days. Of course, there is the Lord that is like a Northern Star in my life of darkness...but nevertheless...I feel tt it's hard to feel the rush of freedom anymore. I was walking in the drizzle to the bus stop today and i heard the laughter of some students. The high-pitched giggles and chatters seemed so foreign to me. I wonder wherefore hath it gone? And as i walked home a thousand thoughts raced through my mind which became a mass of blur...and i knew i think i've had enough.
Haha...not even halfway through the year and already, my heart longs to be free. I dislike this. I know that when we have something, we don't treasure it neither do we enjoy it sometimes...but when it's not meant for us...we long for it. That's juz immensely disgusting...where is my past self that would be thankful for the present, I seem to really dislike this sudden change.
Of course, my flux in mood is everchanging henceforth, there are times when i am thankful for the things that i have...and the things that i don't i juz can only hope:)
Why are there a thousand and one books you want to read when you know you have lit books to pore through?? Why are there so many shows tt seem so worth watching when you have homework to plough through? Why is there so much to talk about to friends when you study?? Sigh. And when it's all over...i prob won't want to do anything but juz vegetate.
I don't know if I like change occuring in myself...what if there comes a day when I don't recognise myself anymore... what if the things that i believe in I stop holding onto them anymore...will there come a day when my feelings will also change? Maybe...but that's for tomorrow to decide cuz today hasn't change all that yet:)
Yet...i have to admit it's not easy to stop loving. Is it silly then to be constant in love? So when we speak of love in the romantic sense...does the same theory of change being the only constant, apply?
I don't know if I welcome change. It's hard to say. I think i do yet maybe not, for sad to say i prob have morphed into one of those rigid minded singaporeans who mostly embrace routines in life. I would feel wierd if i didn't go school for one day. Im not kidding...haha. Oh my, im scaring myself:)
Anywayz...sigh. It's quite sad that I have grown rather sad, melancholic and pessimistic these few days. Of course, there is the Lord that is like a Northern Star in my life of darkness...but nevertheless...I feel tt it's hard to feel the rush of freedom anymore. I was walking in the drizzle to the bus stop today and i heard the laughter of some students. The high-pitched giggles and chatters seemed so foreign to me. I wonder wherefore hath it gone? And as i walked home a thousand thoughts raced through my mind which became a mass of blur...and i knew i think i've had enough.
Haha...not even halfway through the year and already, my heart longs to be free. I dislike this. I know that when we have something, we don't treasure it neither do we enjoy it sometimes...but when it's not meant for us...we long for it. That's juz immensely disgusting...where is my past self that would be thankful for the present, I seem to really dislike this sudden change.
Of course, my flux in mood is everchanging henceforth, there are times when i am thankful for the things that i have...and the things that i don't i juz can only hope:)
Why are there a thousand and one books you want to read when you know you have lit books to pore through?? Why are there so many shows tt seem so worth watching when you have homework to plough through? Why is there so much to talk about to friends when you study?? Sigh. And when it's all over...i prob won't want to do anything but juz vegetate.
I don't know if I like change occuring in myself...what if there comes a day when I don't recognise myself anymore... what if the things that i believe in I stop holding onto them anymore...will there come a day when my feelings will also change? Maybe...but that's for tomorrow to decide cuz today hasn't change all that yet:)
Yet...i have to admit it's not easy to stop loving. Is it silly then to be constant in love? So when we speak of love in the romantic sense...does the same theory of change being the only constant, apply?
// posted by grace @ 10:12 PM 
