A bed of roses & their thorns

The lights around me shrouds me not from the isolation I suddenly feel. I'm sorry. Sorry for the way I've made it Lord. I try, but fail everytime. I love nights, I love rainy days, they have a thought invoking effect on me. I seem to be so much more poignant then on usual days.
I thought i wuz right, but now, maybe I'm wrong. I wish somebody can teach me how to live for Him whole-heartedly. Is there such a thing as a good and bad Christian? So how do you judge them? But I thought we shdn't judge. I think...I dunno, i juz always feel so busy. I had a fren tt once said, there is no such thing as free time for God. Argh...tt is so right. There isn't free time for God because we can't juz give him e unwanted time right? We gotta make time for Him, juz as he made time for us...to come down to Earth tabernacled in flesh and blood. He made time, to die for us, so why oh why haven't I made time to live for Him...
My heart is like tt of cluttered field, I do embrace whatever I learn from God, yet the distractions of the world oft pull me away yet again...*sigh* Distractions. Excuses. When will there come a day when I can stand proudly in front of my Father and proclaim tt I m a Christian and His daughter? That indeed, I'm living for Him and not for myself.
Lord, honestly I'm lost for words. I can only say I'm sorry, and pray tt U will strengthen me to be more sensitive to Ur voice oh Lord, tt I may do Ur will:) Praise God tt Ur mercies are new every morn' so I can always have a hope to start afresh with U once small.