Saturday, December 25, 2004
Missing
It always happens when one doesn't have or one loses something & it's gone. I miss so many things tt i used to have & i need so many things tt i dun have. Yet on Christmas I always remind myself tt the best gift wuz already given hence I can give freely & lack nothing:)
So many strange faces tt i see, all unfamiliar, yet I guess it's true tt when u miss somebody, every face tt u see will remind u of the one whom u wish to meet. *sigh* beautiful strangers tt holds his visage...I should stop doubting myself & stop doubting him, yet how can I believe something that defies logic & reason? Am I juz being cynical? Well in this area of life, yeah I guess i've always been this cynical. I've never believed, but now mayb im converting...Will our fates ever meet I wonder, now everything seems shrouded in darkness & secrecy, nobody knows nor understands what my heart yearns to share. Even I cannot fathom my own emotions. Even I cannot believe my own capacity to love. How is it possible? Yet how can it be impossible. These emotions in me is like an overflowing vessel, that threatens to overflow lest I let it go...in words they take shape & try but fail to write all tt my heart wishes to say.
'Tis embarassing to be so blatant to reveal so much. But what is this pride that is standing in my path? My greatest fear is to show the truth, so is it inevitable that i live in darkness all my life? Sometimes I feel it's not worth the wait & most of the time...it's discouragement that I receive as advice when I seek hope. They don't understand...I cannot let it go...neither do I wish to wait any longer...there is so much to do & so much to experience. So is it worth a lifetime to wait for tt someone to fill the void? Maybe I wuz wrong...wrong to believe tt the only happiness tt I can receive is from him. Maybe.
Lord what do u think? Seriously do tell of ur thoughts, what is ur will? Do I sound melancholic? *sigh* every moment of sadness it reminds me that I do love him more than I know...haha so he merely brings me sadness? No...when I reflect on the little things, the joy I feel is worth every ounce of pain he gives...
So many strange faces tt i see, all unfamiliar, yet I guess it's true tt when u miss somebody, every face tt u see will remind u of the one whom u wish to meet. *sigh* beautiful strangers tt holds his visage...I should stop doubting myself & stop doubting him, yet how can I believe something that defies logic & reason? Am I juz being cynical? Well in this area of life, yeah I guess i've always been this cynical. I've never believed, but now mayb im converting...Will our fates ever meet I wonder, now everything seems shrouded in darkness & secrecy, nobody knows nor understands what my heart yearns to share. Even I cannot fathom my own emotions. Even I cannot believe my own capacity to love. How is it possible? Yet how can it be impossible. These emotions in me is like an overflowing vessel, that threatens to overflow lest I let it go...in words they take shape & try but fail to write all tt my heart wishes to say.
'Tis embarassing to be so blatant to reveal so much. But what is this pride that is standing in my path? My greatest fear is to show the truth, so is it inevitable that i live in darkness all my life? Sometimes I feel it's not worth the wait & most of the time...it's discouragement that I receive as advice when I seek hope. They don't understand...I cannot let it go...neither do I wish to wait any longer...there is so much to do & so much to experience. So is it worth a lifetime to wait for tt someone to fill the void? Maybe I wuz wrong...wrong to believe tt the only happiness tt I can receive is from him. Maybe.
Lord what do u think? Seriously do tell of ur thoughts, what is ur will? Do I sound melancholic? *sigh* every moment of sadness it reminds me that I do love him more than I know...haha so he merely brings me sadness? No...when I reflect on the little things, the joy I feel is worth every ounce of pain he gives...
// posted by grace @ 1:55 AM 
